How professional support can help you rebuild trust and create healthier relationships
The Paradox: When You Need Help But Can’t Trust Anyone to Give It
Sarah sits in the counselling waiting room for the third time this month. Twice before, she made it this far—filled out the intake forms, waited nervously in the chair—only to walk out before her name was called. Today, she’s determined to stay.
Her relationship just ended. Again. The same pattern: meet someone wonderful, feel the butterflies, then slowly suffocate the relationship with constant checking, questioning, and accusations until they leave. She knows she has trust issues. She knows she needs help. But here’s the cruel irony: how do you trust a therapist to help you with trust issues when you can’t trust anyone?
Trust is a fundamental human experience necessary for society to function and plays a large role in happiness. Yet some life experiences can impact a person’s ability to trust others, creating a cycle that affects every relationship—romantic, professional, familial, and even therapeutic.
If you’re reading this, you likely know what it feels like to live with trust issues. The constant hypervigilance. The fear of vulnerability. The exhausting mental gymnastics of trying to protect yourself from potential betrayal. And perhaps you’ve considered therapy but felt paralyzed by the very idea of trusting someone new with your deepest wounds.
Here’s what you need to know: trust issues are treatable, counselling works, and you don’t have to trust your therapist completely on day one. In fact, the therapeutic process itself can become the safe space where you learn to trust again—slowly, carefully, and at your own pace.
Understanding Trust Issues: More Than Just “Commitment Problems”
What Trust Issues Actually Are
Trust is not an either/or proposition, but a matter of degree. We all exist somewhere on a spectrum of trust, and that’s healthy. The problem emerges when mistrust becomes so dominant that it interferes with forming meaningful connections.
Signs of trust issues include:
- Constant suspicion of others’ motives without evidence
- Difficulty being vulnerable or sharing personal information
- Believing others will inevitably disappoint or betray you
- Hypervigilance in relationships (checking phones, monitoring behavior)
- Pushing people away before they can hurt you
- Difficulty maintaining long-term relationships
- Interpreting neutral actions as potentially harmful
- Feeling emotionally isolated even in relationships
Anxiety symptoms related to trust issues, such as constant worry about relationships, can escalate to paranoia and even panic attacks.
The Roots Run Deep
Trust issues often come from early life experiences and interactions, often taking place in childhood. Common origins include:
Childhood Experiences:
- Parents who harm children through physical or emotional abuse or are unable to offer sufficient love and affection leave children vulnerable to trust issues in later life
- Inconsistent parenting where needs were sometimes met, sometimes ignored
- Witnessing betrayal between parents or caregivers
- Being gaslighted or having your reality consistently denied
Adolescent and Adult Experiences:
- Social rejection or bullying during formative years
- Betrayal and infidelity in close relationships creating deep-rooted trust issues
- Repeated patterns of abandonment
- Traumatic events that shattered your sense of safety
The Self-Esteem Connection: Self-esteem plays a large role in a person’s capacity to trust. People with low self-esteem may be less likely to trust others. When you don’t trust yourself or believe you deserve good treatment, trusting others becomes nearly impossible.
The Therapeutic Alliance: A Different Kind of Relationship
Why Therapy Works for Trust Issues
Here’s what makes counselling uniquely suited for addressing trust issues: the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a laboratory for learning to trust.
According to the American Counseling Association, no matter what model or technique a counselor uses, its potential will be limited unless the professional can build a strong therapeutic alliance with the client.
Unlike other relationships, therapy offers:
Consistency: Your counsellor shows up at the appointed time, every time. They remember what you said last week. They don’t cancel on you emotionally or literally.
Safety: Therapists are trained to listen non-judgmentally and create a safe space where you can open up. There’s no hidden agenda, no manipulation, no punishment for honesty.
Professionalism: The relationship has clear boundaries. Counselors are not supposed to share the same experiences with clients at any level. Counselors and clients must never work in a way that resembles friendships. This professional distance can actually feel safer.
Permission to Be Skeptical: A good therapist understands that therapy represents a huge risk for clients with trust issues. They won’t pressure you to trust them immediately or punish you for being cautious.
The Four Foundations (Carl Rogers’ Principles)
Based on Carl Rogers’ 1957 work, effective therapeutic relationships require four specific properties:
- Empathy: Your counsellor genuinely tries to understand your perspective
- Genuine Engagement: They’re truly present, not just going through motions
- Unconditional Positive Regard: They accept you without judgment
- Clear Expression: They don’t just feel these things—they show them
Practical Tips for Working with a Counsellor on Trust Issues
1. Start by Acknowledging the Paradox
Be honest about the irony: you’re seeking help for trust issues from someone you don’t yet trust. Most therapists will appreciate this honesty and respect your awareness.
What to say: “I’m here because I have trust issues, and I need you to know that trusting you won’t be easy or immediate. I’m going to be cautious, and I need that to be okay.”
A good therapist will respond with validation, not defensiveness. Therapists understand clients’ struggle to trust and have utmost respect for each client’s unique journey toward trust.
2. Take Your Time
Building trust in counseling sessions takes time. You don’t need to share your deepest trauma in session one. Start small:
Session 1-3: Share surface-level concerns, observe how the therapist responds Session 4-6: Test the waters with slightly more vulnerable information Session 7+: Gradually increase depth as safety is established
Remember: Counselors must allow space for clients to take the session where they want and at the pace they feel comfortable with.
3. Pay Attention to Consistency
Trust is built through repeated positive interactions over time. Notice:
- Does your therapist remember what you’ve shared?
- Do they follow through on what they say they’ll do?
- Are they consistent in their responses and demeanor?
- Do they admit when they make mistakes?
Therapist actions perceived by the patient as pro-relationship such as self-disclosure, fee reductions, and referrals for additional services might be particularly useful for building trust.
4. Use Active Communication
Don’t expect your therapist to read your mind. If something bothers you or makes you uncomfortable, say so:
“When you said , I felt . Can we talk about that?” “I’m feeling skeptical right now about whether this will actually help.” “I need to slow down. This is feeling too vulnerable.”
Expressing your feelings and fears, discussing past experiences, and setting boundaries can help rebuild trust in relationships.
5. Test Boundaries (Within Reason)
It’s natural to test whether your therapist is trustworthy. You might:
- Share something difficult and see how they react
- Miss a session and see if they follow up
- Express disagreement and see if they become defensive
- Ask difficult questions about their approach
This is normal and expected. As clients begin to trust a little, they become more vocal about their doubts and challenges with more verbal forcefulness.
6. Address Ruptures When They Happen
Even in therapy, trust can be damaged. Maybe your therapist said something that hurt you, misunderstood your point, or seemed distracted. Address it:
Why this matters: Level of patient trust in the therapist may be critical to working through ruptures in the therapeutic relationship.
How you and your therapist repair these moments teaches you that relationships can survive disappointment—a crucial lesson for someone with trust issues.
7. Engage in the Therapeutic Process
After setting goals, your counselor will help you dive into previous experiences that made you lose trust in others, exploring the beliefs and emotions you internalized from those experiences.
The work involves:
- Identifying patterns in your relationships
- Examining beliefs about yourself and others
- Understanding how past betrayals affect present relationships
- Practicing new ways of thinking and behaving
- Gradually taking risks in trusted relationships
8. Consider Specific Therapeutic Approaches
Different therapy modalities approach trust issues differently:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT aims to support patients in changing unhelpful thought and behavior patterns by helping them recognize distorted thoughts as they happen. Great for addressing catastrophic thinking and worst-case scenario assumptions.
Schema Therapy: Developed by Dr. Jeffrey Young, Schema Therapy focuses on addressing early maladaptive schemas—self-defeating emotional and cognitive patterns established from childhood. Excellent for deep-rooted trust issues stemming from childhood.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): Helps you understand and process the emotions underlying your trust issues, particularly helpful for relationship concerns.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): An evidence-based therapy that aims to reduce the intensity of emotion a person experiences when reliving a traumatic memory. Useful when trust issues stem from specific traumatic events.
9. Practice Between Sessions
Therapy isn’t just the 50 minutes in the office. Apply what you’re learning:
- Notice when you’re catastrophizing about someone’s intentions
- Practice small acts of vulnerability with safe people
- Challenge automatic assumptions about betrayal
- Keep a trust journal tracking moments of connection
10. Be Patient with Yourself
Trust issues stem from past trauma, adverse life experiences, or patterns of unstable relationships and are always highly complex and difficult to overcome.
Healing isn’t linear. You’ll have good weeks and terrible weeks. You might make progress then regress. This is normal. Trust issues developed over years or even decades—they won’t disappear in a few months of therapy.
What to Look for in a Therapist
Not every therapist is the right fit for trust issues. Look for someone who:
Shows patience: Doesn’t push you to open up before you’re ready Validates your caution: Understands that your skepticism is protective, not offensive Maintains boundaries: Clear, consistent, professional—no boundary violations Demonstrates empathy: Has empathy for their client and is truly engaged in the interaction Admits mistakes: Can acknowledge when they miss something or cause hurt Specializes appropriately: Has experience with trauma, attachment, or relationship issues
Red flags:
- Getting defensive when you express doubt
- Pressuring you to trust them
- Sharing inappropriate personal information
- Inconsistency in scheduling or behavior
- Making promises they don’t keep
The Career Reality: Helping Others Navigate Trust
If reading about the therapeutic process has sparked your interest in becoming the person who helps others with trust issues, there’s a growing need for qualified counsellors in Canada.
Canadian Counselling Career Outlook:
- Strong demand across all provinces (Job Bank Canada, 2024)
- 33,300 projected job openings for mental health professionals 2024-2033 (Canadian Occupational Projection System, 2024)
- Increasing recognition of relationship and attachment issues in clinical practice
Average Salaries for Relationship Counsellors (2025):
- Entry Level: $50,000 – $65,000 annually
- Experienced (3-5 years): $70,000 – $95,000 annually
- Private Practice: $85,000 – $130,000+ annually
- Per Session: $120 – $200+ per couple
Where Relationship Counsellors Work:
- Private practice (most common for relationship specialists)
- Family therapy centers
- Community mental health organizations
- Employee assistance programs
- Online therapy platforms
Sources: Job Bank Canada, PayScale Canada, Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions
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How long does it take to overcome trust issues in therapy?
There’s no set timeline, and it varies greatly depending on the severity and origin of your trust issues. Trust issues are always highly complex and difficult to overcome.
General timeframes:
Acute trust issues (from a recent betrayal): 6-12 months of therapy
Chronic trust issues (rooted in childhood): 1-3 years or longer
Complex trauma with trust issues: May require longer-term treatmentThe good news? People who seek help for trust issues are often able to regain a sense of trust in others, which may improve their relationships and overall sense of well-being.
Remember that progress isn’t linear. You might notice improvements in 3-6 months, experience setbacks, then make breakthroughs. The therapeutic relationship itself often becomes the first place you experience trustworthy, consistent care. -
What if I can’t afford ongoing therapy for trust issues?
Financial barriers shouldn’t prevent you from getting help. Options include:
Lower-Cost Alternatives:
Community mental health centers (sliding scale fees)
University counselling clinics (supervised graduate students)
Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) through work
Online therapy platforms (often more affordable)
Group therapy (typically costs less than individual sessions)In Canada specifically:
Some provinces cover mental health services through provincial health plans
Many employers offer mental health benefits
Non-profit organizations provide free or low-cost counsellingCreative Solutions:
Ask about sliding scale fees based on income
Attend initially then space out sessions as you improve
Combine occasional therapy with support groups or self-help resources
Some therapists offer reduced rates for financial hardshipOnline therapy can be a great way for people with trust issues to safely seek help, allowing patients to relax and feel comfortable in their own space while accessing help they need.
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Can trust issues be resolved without addressing childhood trauma?
It depends on the source of your trust issues, but often childhood experiences need to be addressed.
Your counselor will help you dive into previous experiences that made you lose trust in others, exploring the beliefs and emotions you internalized from those experiences.
Why childhood matters:
– When someone couldn’t trust their abusive or neglectful parents to meet their needs, there’s a good chance they’ll intuitively find it hard to believe in others in the future
– Early attachment patterns create templates for all future relationships
– Childhood beliefs about safety and worthiness persist into adulthood
– Understanding origins helps you see patterns aren’t your faultHowever, not all trust issues require deep childhood work:
– Recent betrayals might be addressed with shorter-term approaches
– Some people benefit from present-focused CBT without extensive past exploration
– The depth of trauma work depends on your specific situationYour therapist will work with you to determine the right approach. A gentle therapeutic process develops according to the patient’s own pace.
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What’s the difference between healthy skepticism and trust issues that need treatment?
This is an important distinction. A total lack of mistrust would be a serious problem. Judgments about when and whom to trust help keep us safe and alive.
Healthy skepticism:
– Assessing trustworthiness based on behavior and consistency
– Having appropriate boundaries with new people
– Being cautious in situations that warrant caution
– Learning from past experiences without over-generalizing
– Able to trust when evidence supports itTrust issues requiring help:
– Assuming everyone will betray you without evidence
– Unable to be vulnerable even in safe relationships
– Sabotaging relationships due to fear
– Constant hypervigilance causing significant distress
– Isolation due to inability to connect with anyone
– Anxiety symptoms escalating to paranoia and panic attacksThe key question: Are your trust patterns protecting you or preventing you from living fully? If mistrust is causing more harm than the potential risks you’re avoiding, it’s time to seek help.
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Where can I learn to professionally help people with trust issues?
Vancouver College of Counsellor Training (VCCT) offers comprehensive programs that prepare you to work with clients struggling with trust, attachment, and relationship issues.
Counselling for Intimacy in Relationships Certificate
Duration: 21 weeks
Format: On-campus or distance educationWhy This Program Prepares You for Trust Issues Work:
Our curriculum specifically addresses the complex dynamics of trust in relationships:– Models of Counselling: Understand different theoretical approaches to trust and attachment
– Couples & Marital Counselling: Learn how trust issues manifest in partnerships
– Listening, Asserting & Resolving Conflict: Master the communication skills essential for building therapeutic alliances
– Introduction to Psychopathology: Understand how mental health conditions affect trust
– Clinical Counselling Skills: Develop the foundational skills for creating safe therapeutic spaces
– Case Study Approaches: Practice applying trust-building techniques to real scenariosWhat Sets This Training Apart:
Therapeutic Alliance Focus: You’ll learn the Carl Rogers principles that underpin effective therapy: empathy, genuine engagement, unconditional positive regard, and authentic expression.Practical Application: Through role-plays and supervised practice, you’ll experience both sides of the therapeutic relationship—learning to build trust with clients while maintaining professional boundaries.
Trauma-Informed Approach: Understanding that trust issues often stem from trauma, our program integrates trauma-informed care principles throughout.
Diverse Modalities: You’ll be exposed to CBT, psychodynamic, and humanistic approaches, allowing you to find what resonates with your style while meeting diverse client needs.
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How long does it take to overcome trust issues in therapy?
There’s no set timeline. Acute trust issues may improve in 6-12 months, while chronic issues rooted in childhood typically take 1-3+ years. Progress isn’t linear, but people who seek help for trust issues are often able to regain a sense of trust in others.
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What if I can’t afford ongoing therapy?
Options include community mental health centers (sliding scale fees), Employee Assistance Programs, group therapy, and online platforms. Ask therapists about reduced rates or payment plans based on financial hardship.
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What’s the difference between healthy skepticism and trust issues needing treatment?
Healthy skepticism means assessing trustworthiness based on behavior while remaining able to trust when evidence supports it. Trust issues requiring help include constant hypervigilance, inability to be vulnerable even in safe relationships, and sabotaging relationships due to fear. Key question: Are your patterns protecting you or preventing you from living fully?
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Where can I learn to professionally help people with trust issues?
VCCT’s Counselling for Intimacy in Relationships Certificate (21 weeks, on-campus or online) prepares you to work with trust and attachment issues. Learn therapeutic alliance principles, trauma-informed approaches, and how to create safe healing spaces.
The Bottom Line: Trust Can Be Rebuilt
Living with trust issues is exhausting. The constant vigilance, the fear of vulnerability, the loneliness of keeping everyone at arm’s length—it takes a toll. But here’s what you need to know:
Trust issues are not a life sentence.
People who seek help for trust issues are often able to regain a sense of trust in others. With the right therapeutic support, you can learn to:
- Distinguish between reasonable caution and excessive mistrust
- Take calculated risks in relationships
- Tolerate the uncertainty inherent in trusting others
- Repair trust when it’s damaged
- Build healthy, lasting connections
The journey starts with one small step: trusting that therapy might help, even if you can’t fully trust the therapist yet. That’s okay. That’s where you start.
You don’t have to trust completely to begin. You just have to be willing to show up and see what happens. The rest unfolds from there, slowly, carefully, at your own pace.
Your trust was broken in relationships. It can be rebuilt in a relationship—the therapeutic one.
Remember: Asking for help with trust issues isn’t weak. It’s recognizing that you deserve relationships where you don’t have to constantly protect yourself. You deserve to experience the relief of being truly known and still accepted.